This man….

We have had some very tough times. We have also had some very tender times. We’ve had some of the happiest times of my life together, and the fact that we’re still together may confirm miracles actually do happen. I don’t know how we’ve come through it. Well maybe I do.

Jonathan deserves every bit of respect and love and devotion a wife could possibly give. I haven’t always given him that, but he deserves it.

Jonathan isn’t a typical man. I often hear women complaining about who or what their guy does or doesn’t do. 99 times out of a 100 I have to disagree because Jonathan is quite amazing and doesn’t fall into those categories. He is domesticated, he does his fair share of washing, drying, washing up, general upkeep of the house. He does more than his fair share with Lauren. He has done from the very start. Any appointment he can come to-he does come to, even if this means he has to work earlier in the morning to make some time up. He is my confidence that we can take such good care of such a complex little girl. I don’t know if I’ve ever told him that.

Jonathan deals with things like a mathematician. He sees every situation as a problem, good bad or in between. And he compartmentalises these problems, usually very quickly. He can either do something about them, in which case he gets on and does something about them. Or he thinks it over and if he can’t do anything about the problem then he places it in a little tiny box at the back of his head and that’s where it stays. There is rarely (I’m still to see this) a middle where he might have to talk something over, or mull it over for a while. This isn’t a bad thing, I’ve just realised that this is indeed a man thing ( broad generalisation I know). I’m not talking every man, they at least have to have a brain, so that cuts out a good number of them 🙂 . They also need to have a heart, so there goes another chunk. Leaving about 20-30% of men. My opinion is that only about 15-20% of these are good men. Jonathan lies in that category. He is a good man.

We are however, from completely different planets!

But that’s OK!!

I have felt more deeply the hurt and pain from being told all of Lauren’s issues than Jonathan. I have felt so disconnected from everyone, but more so Jonathan. I’ve lived in a very lonely world. We have very seriously come to the point, only twice, in our marriage where I have felt it would be better to be alone. We have had fights along the way, I mean he’s married to me! But when I think normal people would have perhaps called it quits because it’s just too hard, Jonathan will not call it quits. He fights when I’m all out of fight.

Thankfully at the point where it’s just too much I talk, to Jonathan, sometimes my mum, and one of my friends. Jonathan has reacted with love mostly. He has done his part to fight to open up the communication pathways and make sure that his family stayed together. He has listened to what I needed, and if he can give me it, then he honestly does.

I try to do my part. You would have to ask him if I manage it.

Statistically we probably shouldn’t be together. Couples with children with special needs or life threatening illnesses do struggle to stay together. We are contending with both. The emotions are high, most of the time! The stress levels never seem to simmer. The strict complicated routines only seem to get worse as Lauren gets older. Respite is not easy to come by.

I don’t suppose it’s uncommon to find that within a marriage these things cause friction. We are stronger than these things though. I believe that. Having come through the other end of 2013 and early 2014, I believe we can survive anything. This is not an invitation haha!

Jonathan is quite literally the only man in this world for me. He’s incredibly kind, and thoughtful (in a man kind of way 😉 ), he’s intelligent but so humble with it. He’s a great teacher, helping people is no chore for him. He is patient. My goodness he is patient. He is so caring with Lauren, seeing her beauty and personality through all problems and loving her so unconditionally. I don’t know a more genuine person than this incredible man.

He calms me down, he reassures me, he gives me the security I need to know I can be who Lauren needs me to be. There really aren’t any words that describe my love for him. He is my everything and I only hope we have many many more years and adventures to come to add to the tapestry of our lives together. I know what happiness is, but because of Jonathan I also know what pure joy is. I love you Birch xxx