Ever since having Lauren, it’s been a great few years to realise who my actual friends are, including the family members that are more than just blood related.

This sounds harsh possibly but the sifting has a two fold. Firstly there are people that just can’t cope with addressing the issues in front of them, any disability or illness like Lauren’s-they don’t know what to say so they stay away completely and this process was hard for me to handle. I didn’t do anything, how come some people just don’t want to be around. Well, I have learnt that not everyone can handle such things and that is an issue for them, not me. Try not to take it personally. I’m trying.

Secondly, I have had some horrendous things to deal with. I’ve been angry and hurt and broken. Sometimes I have reacted more strongly to situations because underneath the surface I am struggling a lot. Those who do not know me well, or cannot be bothered with me have taken offence instead of trying to love me no matter what. We all have problems. I don’t always dwell and wallow on mine, but people just not wanting to find out what is up because  “we all have problems, get over it” kind of attitude have really pushed themselves away from my friends circle all on their own, rarely will people make it back in.

There are those people who from the word go have asked all the questions, stayed up to date with all of Lauren’s complexities and care how I’m feeling enough to want to help. People who will call and just let me rant, people who will send me shopping via online because I’m stuck in with a poorly Lauren, people who create situations that we as a family can go and enjoy, people who want to do anything that will help even if it includes wrapping all my Christmas presents for me. There are people who know enough that they could take care of Lauren at the drop of a hat. Some friends just have one quality that they radiate that lets me know they love me, Jonathan and Lauren. Others have many. It isn’t a competion and I don’t mean to sound like that, I honestly do treasure them all. The point I’m trying to make is that my friends care. Enough to not be put off when I’m angry because life is not fair, and enough to dig deeper. If you don’t know me well enough to do those things, there’s no place in my life for you.

Some family members have happily put themselves in those categories good or bad. It’s hard for me, because I’m only human and at this point in my life things have hurt a little more than they should. But it’s all teaching me things about myself.

I try to be a better friend because I have good friends. I try to be less selfish because friends (again I’m including my lovely family in this category) have been completely selfless at times. I want to be that kind of person!

The sifting them out process is hard because just because of someone’s flaws that they can’t necessarily help, I shouldn’t write them off, right? But I have to be a little harsh because I have enough things around me that can hurt so friends who really can’t be bothered with me really need to be cut out so I don’t continue to be hurt unnecessarily. Even though I’m a hot head, and struggle with my tolerance and patience levels, I do have some amazing friends (and yes, family). I have a very special circle of people who do love with all they have.  Those who no longer belong to that circle, I do thank them for all they brought to my life before we parted ways.

Some friends are for a season of life, some last forever.

Not being too hurt by that fact when that happens, is they key ❤ xx