My Nanna died on Saturday 9th May 2015. at 7.08pm. It was a sad sad day.

It wasn’t under the best of circumstances, she had been sucked into something by other people and it just left her in a bad place. It wasn’t nice. She’d moved away from her home of all her life, last year on my birthday. I’d said she would die within a year because she wouldn’t be looked after properly. I really believe that is what happened. I have to let it go at some point. I will let it go. It will take some time though, and I have to at least get the funeral over and done with, trying to keep everything in.

So why did I love my Nanna? Well…I loved that she was kind. It wasn’t always to the right people but she was kind.

She did kind things for people who needed it. She literally gave a funeral plan that was fully paid for up, so a friend who didn’t have that, could be burried with dignity. A selfless act of kindness.

Jonnie and I lived with Nanna when we got married, so that we could afford to live a little whilst Jonnie was still a student. Nanna would often take our Laundry out of the dryer and fold it for us. She would do washing up for us. She would put things away for us. She would try her best to be so accommodating to us so that we felt at home. She bought Jonathan a study desk so he had somewhere to do work, just because she noticed he didn’t have one.

She wasn’t keen on spiders, but she tried to catch some of the ones at hers for me because I hated them more. Those were some pretty funny encounters because her eye sight wasn’t the greatest haha!

She would always share her chocolate. Many a night we sat and she talked and I listened about her history and to be honest, few of those stories do I remember. But I enjoyed that time together.

Jonathan became a trusted friend of hers. She loved his scones. I loved her potato cakes.

She didn’t like our time keeping though, she wouldn’t wait for us to get a lift to church haha!

When it was time to leave to our new house, 2 years on, she fell out with me for something. My sister said it was just because she was upset. So i approached her and told her we would miss her, and she started to cry and told me she would miss living with us. I would miss her, and did.

She often came over to do my ironing for me, and clean my oven. She wanted to help and be needed. I did need her help. After I did the great north run in 2010 with an injury, I was pretty much a cripple. For days Nanna came over and helped me do everything and as much as possible in the house for us, and helped keep Lauren entertained.

I only ever really debated politics with one person in this world. That was with Nanna. Mostly because she wouldn’t shush with her crazy ideas and she brought out the need in me to actually debate. Not many can do that. I don’t let them-and really just keep my mouth shut because it’s such a messed up country. But Nanna!!! We ‘healthily’ discussed the state of the country a lot ha!!

She was famous for saying to me “your mother’ll never die as long as you live”.

I am proud of that statement, most of the time. I would reply telling her what a compliment it was. Even when she was trying to be mean haha!

She loved her grandchildren and great grandchildren. She loved Lauren. She loved her a lot. And Lauren Loved Nanna.

When I told Lauren that Nanna was poorly in hospital, Lauren sobbed. But since Nanna died, she seems ok. and smiles a lot at the background on our laptop… (this picture)

it’s a perfect picture.

Nanna would almost annoyingly so try to reassure me that Lauren would be OK, and would walk and talk. I used to tell her with slight annoyance ‘yes, I know Nanna’. “she will you know”, ‘I know, NANNA’!! and so it would continue. Maybe she was reassuring herself.

Nanna and I were probably as strong willed as one another. We had banter. I loved that. I would greet her with ‘alright, shortie’! 🙂 She would laugh 🙂

She once said when I was much younger, “I love you, but I don’t know why” and laughed, for some reason I replied, “because I’m your lamb”. This became a ‘thing’ and I was her lamb. She bought me a couple of different versions over the years, but one I always kept even when it broke. It’s a pot lamb on a stand. It’s nothing special to anyone else. But to me, I can hear her voice when I look at it, and after I reply because I’m your lamb, she would laugh. She had a contagious laugh. It usually ended up with her coughing and that made me laugh at her.

Whilst in hospital this last time, Nanna bore her testimony through the oxygen mask a few times. Her faith and religion were important to her. She wanted everyone to know what she did. She served a mission when she was about 68? She loved it and kept in contact with those friends right up to the very end. She will be happily spreading the word now and meeting lots of family and friends again.

She loved chocolate did Nanna. Haha!! Yes, maybe we all get it from her.

I suppose her moving away and not really being in touch much since then has somehow made it easier to cope with now she’s gone. But it’s all very very sad, and I feel a deep pain that I’ve not felt before. I have lost friends, but I’ve not lost a family member that I’ve loved before.

She wasn’t always lovely, I know that. Even on her death bed she said some pretty mean things to me, but it doesn’t actually matter to me. I feel sad that she won’t call again, and I won’t have the fare well of “goodnight, God Bless, Love you lots, be good”…..and whatever else she felt like adding to it at the time. Haha, they made Jonathan Laugh!

I will celebrate on her birthday,1st June (she would have been 88!) and eat some galaxy chocolate for her.

I will miss her so very very dearly. For now Nanna,

Good night and God Bless,

your lamb 🙂