I had a few different issues over a time, and they became bigger in my head than needs be. I dealt with the issues, but slowly they ate away at my spirit and I became dull. Tired. Irritated more than usual. I felt like my brain was just giving up. I was depressed. I was so very low, but I had to keep going for Lauren. Last year I decided I needed some help, before my family became a broken home.

I went through the process of Doctors, sent to the mental health team, and was assessed and was finally given an appointment. I met a lovely lady. I thought she was nice, bubbly, but after 3 visits with her I was ready to stop seeing her. This Cognitive Behavioural Therapy was not working for me. I just felt like I was having a bitching session each time I saw her. I was fed up and disappointed because I was really trying here to change some things!

So I had the Christmas break, and had the next appointment booked. But I was going to turn up and tell her that I didn’t think it was working and I wanted to stop with it.

Something interesting happened here…I got a phone call from a guy who worked in the same place, and he told me my therapist was sick, and they didn’t know when she’d be back. I could wait, or I could go see him and he was happy to finish my sessions off.

This was fate. He actually had a personality that could influence mine. I didn’t recognise it straight away. But I did recognise that I went away with goals, with a feeling that I will give this a try. I trusted him. I don’t trust many people!

Over the next few months we became ‘friends’ as loosely as that term can be used with therapist/patient relationship. He bumped the treatment up to the next level to cognitive re structure as well as CBT. 6 Months after starting to see him, I have finished seeing him.

I learnt to make SMART goals, to look forward to dating Jonathan again, to look forward to and plan in my own time separate from everyone else, to not expect things from anyone, to concentrate solely on my thinking. To write my thinking down and see how negative things can more often than not be changed to a positive. I only heard him say once, in response to a negative situation I brought up. ‘Yeah, I’ve got nothing’. Haha

I learnt to realise I’m surrounded by idiots, and because of that, not be so angered by said idiots doing idiotic things. To concentrate on my little family, Jonathan, Lauren and I. The rest comes next.

I learnt that it’s OK to cry, to show how hurt I am, to decide which things in life I ‘have’ to deal with and which things I can choose to deal with upfront, or passively. I am in control of me.

I have found things difficult, because I do not do change very well. I was in a low, bad place.

But I have come out on top. My sleeping is better. My relationship is better. My mothering skills are better albeit have some way to go.

When I went to my last session on Friday, it took half the time a normal one did, and he came to the end, by saying ‘I’ve got nothing else for you’. It was bitter sweet. He was funny. Annoyingly positive. All round great guy. I will miss him in a weird way. But I have done what I needed to do and got the tools I need to keep going forward and being in control but not a control freak, and I am happy again. I have found a new lease of life. Not riddled with fear. Or negativity. I owe this very awesome guy a lot.

But I do take credit for implementing these things into my life and doing what I had to, to make us happy again. I’m not ashamed that I’ve had mental health problems. I call myself nuts in jest, but actually having issues where you just can’t help yourself and feel stuck, is no joke. I’m glad the system helped me, and I’m glad divine intervention gave me the right person to help me properly. What a guy.

Here goes to the next chapter in life 🙂