It’s uncomfortable for us to know the awkward, hard, challenging truths that others go through. We like sunshine, smiles, laughter, lovely pictures. We have lots of laughter, loads of smiles and plenty of lovely pictures in our home, because I’m lucky that through the struggles and difficulties, we’ve got a home filled with love. It’s also a home filled with disappointment sometimes because our lives are unique.

So are yours. I don’t believe some stuff I read and see. Because I know what it’s like to shout and scream because no one in the house listens.

I know what’s it feels like to be lonely and have my child invited no where by anyone and not have a ton of friends. It can physically hurt your soul to know we are forgotten. I know that people are interested in babies, and even small children, but the older lauren has got the less people want to spend time with her, It gets harder in many respects, but less people surrounding you to get through it. It’s something I try to accept. She isn’t anybody else’s ‘job’, she is ours.

I know what it feels like to have my husband be ill, at the same time as lauren and it be so physically hard to keep up with everything.

I often feel exhausted, too exhausted to even go and stick to the plans I have. I do them anyway so that I can keep in touch with the world.

Life certainly isn’t wonderful all the time. Awaiting operation dates, schooling unknown, where we will live, so many things weighing on my mind, some that I’ll leave unspoken for the time being.

I don’t get jealous of someone else life, I don’t believe anyone is always 100% happy- but I know if we focus on our lives, our families,  our responsibilities- then we can be full of joy even when we don’t feel happy.

I am grateful to have this time with lauren and try to fill it with fun things for her. Regardless of whether we do them alone or not. I am grateful to a husband who ploughs on through horrendous migraines because there’s only so much one human can do and lauren needs 2 super humans!!

im grateful I have a home, and wherever we end up, my 2 loves will be with me.

Life isn’t always peaches and cream, it’s ok to be unhappy sometimes, feel what we feel, but there’s always room to be grateful for what we do have. And real happiness isn’t a smile here or there, it’s finding real joy and knowing in the sad times that we are richer than we know.💜