Lately my Nanna has been on my mind a lot. I have needed her words of comfort sometimes over the last 9 months, but I also really miss her tough love.

Summer was only slightly different for us here; whereas other people with Kids out of school had a difinitive break. Lauren has been mostly out of school since Dec 2016. She managed 2 weeks in Dec 2016 I think, 5 days in January, 4 in Feb, and I think 1 in March. She only went on the days she could manage from 10:30 until 2pm and on Fridays I picked her up at 1pm, following her hospital stay at the end of March. Why does that bring me to thoughts of my Nanna? I tell you why; no matter my problem my Nanna’s reply would be ‘Have you prayed about it?’. She knew where her comfort would come from, and through that faith that she had she wanted to pass that on to those she loved. I miss her. I actually really miss her telling me Lauren will be fine. Stupidly it used to annoy me because I think she did it to reassure me and of course “I don’t need anyone right!”. Now I wish I could hear her tell me that my little girl will be OK.

She didn’t understand Cystic Fibrosis. I knew that. But by heck she would stay away if she was ill (maybe she feared my wrath haha!) and I know it was becuase she loved Lauren. She frustrated me. Mostly-she loved me. It’s not her birthday, that would have been on June 1st and she would have been 90. It’s not the anniversary of her death. Really, today, it has no significance at all except I know she would have been able to comfort me by her words of absolute, her favourite – ‘she’ll walk, you know’. Nanna did know.

She would never listen if I got cross about Jonathan, or maybe she would, and then she’d tell me ‘he’s a good man’ and I knew she loved him.

I think I share some traits of Nanna’s. We had similarities for sure. She was unique! She tried to hide fear, be strong, and help other people. She wasn’t afraid of hard work. She was always up for coming wherever I asked. I thoroughly miss my road trips with her. She would come to choir concerts with me, the British Pageant, conferences when I was going alone. I would only have to call and say I’m going, you in? and she would join me.

It’s funny what memories do. It’s like we get to remember all the good bits collectively. She drove me insane, but I really really miss her faith, her confidence and her love. Nanna fitted a parent role a lot of the time, I didn’t have an invested father. Jonnie and I lived with Nanna for 2 years. It doesn’t matter who the person is that you lose in your life if they filled a gap in your life and heart-you can miss them as much as you’d miss anyone.

I just really really wish I could hear her tell me that everything will be OK. I look forward to the day we meet again and I hear her laugh after she plays a prank on me. Priceless x