I read this quote on instagram recently, quoted by an amazing woman who I follow- Kim White (@kimcankickit). In awe I follow her life’s story battling a rare form of cancer. I don’t know her but some of the things she’s written completely move me to tears. This post in particular, Celebrating even the dark days and she wrote about some very dark days.

As I reflect upon this time of year and how life changed so rapidly for us 9 years ago, Burping Lauren on Boxing day 9 years ago led to her throwing up bile. That led to a hospital visit. They first made me leave her to try and get a canula in a 4day old baby. I could hear her down the corridor and sat alone in a room crying my heart out as Jonathan went and called mum and his parents. What the heck just happened to our happiness? We were told shortly afterwards that they were blue lighting her to Leeds for a possible bowel obstruction, and as we said goodbye a nurse rather patronizingly tole me ‘don’t worry you’re going to see her again’. My life had changed completely in a moment and she didn’t understand! My response to her wouln’t be silence if I had this same situation happen again! I would see her again, but right in that moment my newborn was being taken from me and I couldn’t wrap my head round it. She was then operated on the next day. Life was turned upside down.

The surgeon was the first person to mention Cystic Fibrosis. It made no sense. I remember walking down a corridor for some food after Mr Powiss had said what she had was linked to CF, I said to Jonnie “That’s a lung disease that kills people in their teens, she can’t have that, it doesn’t make sense”. Two days later we met Dr Brownlee. He told us more and suddenly my heart sank. I knew that that’s what she had and my world flipped upside down.

I’ve written about some of this before, I’ve written about her brain abnormalities and what came in the next few months.

Ordinary moments, conversations, words; it all has the ability to change everything. We don’t know it’s coming. I certainly didn’t know how to handle it. But as I look back 9 years on I think about how grateful I am how quickly things were found. There is a plan to all of this, life isn’t just meaningless, there’s purpose.

As I reflect on what a truly hard year in 2017 our little family has had I think of gratitude. I read somewhere that having a grateful disposition can change your heart, and you become happier and more positive. I’ve tried to practise this through the hard times this year. I’m so grateful for Lauren teaching me what real resilience is. She can always find a happy moment in and amongst the hard. I’m grateful to have Jonnie. I’m grateful for sisters who I love, I’m grateful to my mum for being respite with Lauren for us. I’m greatful for inlaws who help as well.  I am so grateful to my friends, some of who are as close as my family. I’m grateful to you guys- those of you who love Lauren, Jonnie and I. The messages of love, concern, the prayers and those of you who fast with us. Those of you who don’t believe in those things but wish us nothing but good. It means so very much to us. We are isolated sometimes and life can be lonely. Our community online has grown and I’m grateful to share our story with you too.

Moments of 2017 have brought me to my knees in prayer, begging for it to be easier. It’s possibly never going to be, because loving someone so much means it hurts so much when they’re sick. Opposition in all things. Some of those days felt very normal back in March in hospital and then other days I felt a complete shift with myself and some serious soul searching took place. We’ve had some great times together this year too..

Our hope is that through some ordinary moments in our 3 very ordinary lives (OK 2- Lauren is very very extraordinary!) that 2018 will have a healthier Lauren, a new school for Lauren, hopefully a new home for us and some great things where work is concerned. I’m not so sure we’re out of the woods. I do know that we’ll continue to fight the only way we know how- lots of hard work, faith and prayers and enjoying life as much as we possibly can.

I wish you all some very special moments in 2018. I hope you have a very healthy, happy and beautiful year with wishes of yours coming true. Start it with gratitude and keep searching for the beautiful things even during hard times! They are definitely there!

Happy New year Everyone,

Love April, Jonnie & Lauren xxx