This little one

Won’t (maybe isn’t) be classed as little for too much longer. She possibly isn’t now but because of her special needs I think I get to think of her like that a little longer. I’ve not always been a natural at this parenting thing. I’ve struggled through some tough stuff in my own life whilst trying to figure the rest out.

I think that the whole time she’s not been at school and dare I say whilst her health has been horrific, I’ve had the pleasure of being with her almost 100% of my time. It’s not something that I thought about too closely at the beginning and giving up work with deadline demands was tough – I had worked for Paul for a very long time. But the time and season came to solely focus on Lauren. I’ve pondered that more, recently.

I would say that if I were to put a time stamp on when I’ve started really pondering how lucky I’ve been, I’d say since Christmas time 2017, I’ve focused on the fact that whilst out of school at least I’ve got to be the sole caregiver for Lauren and do the part of parenting that I think is my strong point. I’ve managed her health. I’ve done the strict routine. Whilst it may be tiring sometimes, I’m good at that. Routine kept me going and gave me purpose at the beginning of this wild ride. It still does. It’s some sort of control on what’s happening to her.

I can do what’s needed, I’m definitely more of a do-er than thinker and so i’d even say I thrive from making sure Lauren’s care is the best.

I’ve loved hanging out with her. I’ve loved getting to a newer and better place in our relationship and I’m a calmer happier and better parent for the time we’ve had here together.

When she toddles off into school without me,

I’m really not sad, she’s confident and happy and thriving and so I get to drive away knowing she’s loving her day, and she gets to know mummy is there to pick her up 95% of the time (she may prefer Jacquie and Alice picking her up 😂) at the end of it.

I feel like I’m finally learning to be in the moments. I miss some still, but I’m learning to love more than I ever did. For now it gets to be about the people here and now and mostly Lauren; and I maybe understand what content feels like (pregnancy aside).

They really don’t stay small for long. I can close my eyes and I’m right back to taking this picture

It feels like yesterday. Yet so many ups and downs have come along since.

Preparing for the next chapter is scary. I have no clue about babies really and kids and definitely not ‘typical kids’ but Lauren already loves her little brother as you can see- she’s kissing my belly here (she’s just this past couple of months finally learned to kiss and it is adorable💜)

I think we’re going to be able to handle it. I mean the normal side. If there’s a CF side to handle- we’ll obviously be heartbroken, but we’ll just dust ourselves off and keep swimming- cos that’s what us Birch 3 do- we do what we have to and occasionally have melt downs in the middle 😁🙂

Love your little ones, hug them tight, play some more, and be whatever your best kind of parent is. They’ll remember the good and you’ll remember the sound of their laughs and giggles.

Xx