I think I just need a pat on the back for surviving a tough week. Jonnie was away, Wyatt decided not to sleep through. He’s struggling with his extremely sensitive bowels. Lauren has extremely sensitive bowels but the opposite end of the spectrum to Wyatt. She had a rough couple of days.

We were only at hospital last week and both had glowing reports of weight gain, clear sounding lungs, and it was a very uplifting day indeed.

You can never take a breather though- this is our life. It’s overwhelming and I just have to ride out those days and feelings and hope on for better days ahead. That can be hard but it’s the only thing that keeps me going.

I suffer from situational anxiety and panic attacks and depression. Thankfully those feelings don’t last forever. There would be no point to it all if they did.

The doctors are consulting the gastroenterologist team regarding Lauren. Hopefully they can just tell us what happens. Even if they can’t fix anything, as long as I have all the info.

And Wyatt!? Well, there’s no real answer. But we’re doing what we can. And he’s happy most of the time too.

I always end up questioning life choices, or deciding it’s all too hard, and get angry, and have a real dark few days when I get scared for my children’s health complications.

Luckily when I get rational again I can think a bit clearer. And it helps that Jonnie comes home and helps too. And the moment seems fleeting.

I love this girl so much!

The sun is shining, spring flowers are blossoming and I’m reminded that life can feel good- even though I’m currently sat next to a vibrating physio therapy vest reminding me that it won’t ever be fair.

I made it though and I’m going to enjoy this weekend and fresh air!

Apes xx