As time moves fast (sometimes only as fast as a snail) and the impending due date gets closer I’ve found myself with a bunch of emotions. Hormones definitely. You should all feel bad for Jonnie 😄 as I’ve literally not known what the heck is going on. It’s quite scary sometimes. And lonely. I don’t remember being this nuts with Lauren, and perhaps I was just being prepared for what was to come. However, this time round I’ve just felt incredibly sad for the last couple of weeks. Crazy more often than not. I’m not a fan of this pregnancy thing ha!!!

I am starting to feel better. But who knows 🤷🏻‍♀️ watch this space!

The most part of this pregnancy has been felt in peace and calm and dare I say faith that all will be well. Of course that may be ‘all will be well regardless of what happens’.

Jonnie and I were chatting last night about Lauren’s journey and the ‘what ifs’ of this little one. If he has a similar journey to Lauren’s then it will be so very hard. I don’t know how we’ll juggle hospital visits/stays, I don’t know how we’ll juggle the initially heart ache. I don’t know how we’ll stay positive and how we’ll juggle emotions. I honestly don’t know. I do know that when I start to think about all of that it brings me to tears, because we so desperately hope that that isn’t to be his journey and story.

When I re focus that we felt so strongly to have this baby, that all will be well whatever comes our way, then my heart feels a little lighter and I start to feel some peace again and hope. It’s a much nicer place to be!!

Jonathan said to me last night ‘whatever happens, we’ll just deal with it and we’ll be ok. It’s what we do’. It made me cry. Strength isn’t something you often see in yourself, but I see it in Jonathan and turn to him for that when my confidence is running low. I think strength comes from allowing yourself to be vulnerable and feel all those scary feelings, but at the same time doing what you have to. Each of us – you – have that strength. We choose how to use it or not. I really believe that, But if someone you love needs you, you dig deep and use all you have.

This baby boy (growing nicely at 34 weeks) will be surrounded by love. Raw, broken, pure unrefined kind of love. Not many get to see that side of me but whatever happens as scary as the immediate future seems, he will have my everything to see him through whatever he needs. He will have Jonathan’s quiet, pure, gracious and precious unrefined love. He will have Lauren’s love. No one I know loves like she does. He’s a very lucky little boy to have her as his sibling. She kisses him (my belly) daily, spontaneously, and is so excited for him to arrive and sit near her on the couch. I’m so glad she came first to teach me what a mummy should be like.

We will have a good 2 weeks wait to know if he has Cystic Fibrosis. It will be a long 2 weeks. But we will update everyone once we know.

Digging deeper lately but glad this part of the journey is nearly over!!!!

#BabyBirchNo2 hurry up 😂

Apes xx