I watched the Disney film ‘Christopher Robin’ recently. This particular exchange has had me pondering ever since….

Pooh: Christopher Robin, what day is it today?

Christopher Robin: It’s today.

P: Oh… my favourite day.

CR: Mine too, Pooh, mine too.

Is today ever my favourite day? I’m honestly not sure I can ever say that. I look forward so much that I think I’m missing out on many of my today’s. I’ve contemplated it for a few weeks. I have tried some deeper self reflection and I come to the same conclusion: I’m living in the future for both good things and fearful things. I’m missing out on so very much of life.

Some of that will definitely come from many of life’s experiences packed into my mind and how I can cope to function and focus. It will be good for me when I have goals and set to achieve things.

On the whole it is not a good thing. I’m so scared of losing my children that I’m missing out on them now. I try to think about when we have finally got a garden, a bigger house and I focus on that so much that I’m forgetting how blessed we are to be together and safe and warm.

I’m so looking forward to some milestones for Wyatt that I’m forgetting to embrace this time with a baby that I’ll never have again.

I really aren’t sure what the next step for me is. I’m trying to have some moments that I am 100% in with my family each day where I forget whatever else is going on in the world. Focussing just on that moment and activity. I don’t find it easy but it is so important.

I’m trying a meditation app a little bit. Not sure I’ll be a fan but I have to try something!

I’m trying to deal with some issues so that my brain and heart have the rightful space they need to fill up with family and friends that deserve the space.

I’m back at the gym finally and will force myself to keep at it because I know how good it is for my mental health. I also want to be back in shape and so it will be beneficial all round.

I don’t know if there’s one big secret to it. I do know that I’m glad I watched that film, because it really has got me thinking and contemplating more than I was consciously thinking about before it.

Enjoy the journey, not just endure it. That’s my goal.

April x