Life continues to be full of ups and downs. I’m learning to really try and have some good in each day on purpose! To be grateful and to keep trying to sort through the mess in my head. As I do that I see that the fog lifts eventually. I’m not sure my worry for my children will ever go away- after all I am a parent!

Wyatt is doing so well where cf is concerned. I feel so blessed. His bowels are the part that is affected most, currently. But his chest and overall health is in such good form. I’m so grateful. I put it down to having the holistic approach and doing things right from the start with him alongside his great cf team that we love.

Lauren will hopefully have her procedure done on Wednesday (3rd July) after the last one being cancelled. Her bowels and lungs have had issues for a while so if she gets the all clear this time which we’re positive she will, she can get off some antibiotics that I think are affecting her whole body bless her heart. She is loving being at school and is settled with the staff and pupils there. We’ve had some glitches but they do a good job with her and she now gets to go swimming each week too.

I thought it would be the worst thing in the entire world having two cf kids together. The fear that I felt whilst pregnant was real and I lost so much sleep over it. It went round and round my head and I can honestly tell you that I wish I would have just chilled out. There is definitely panic sometimes. We’re concerned and we do lots of little things to minimise cross infection but the truth is- we can’t stop it if it’s going to happen. I have little control over it. But I honestly feel so blessed and know they are being watched over.

I like control and so I’ve had to learn that sometimes things are just out of our hands. There is nothing we can do about them. We can either let these things affect us and usually these things make me so sad, but nothing good comes from them. Or we can try to embrace life as it is and have acceptance and patience with them. I don’t think human nature is very good at letting go of control.

My problem is that I think all these problems are mine, mine to have, to hold, to never let go, to let fester, to try and control, to never share with anyone. I literally end up so miserable. In the last few months I’ve tried so much to process some of the things in my life and decide that they just are what they are.

I nearly made some big life decisions during this particular time of complete chaos. I thought I knew what was next. But in actual fact, making such decisions when you’re surrounded by sadness and heartache is literally the WORST thing you can do.

Life is always going to be complicated- you are no different than I am, your problems are just different. We all have them and we all deal with them However we can. But for me I’m glad I said out loud how I was feeling but didn’t consciously change anything. I didn’t draw any firm lines in the sand.

Our lives are so full of ups and downs, they always will be and I suppose I’m learning that that in and of itself can be a beautiful thing- but mostly it’s hectic and chaotic and hard. It’s a challenge. But amongst it I’m learning to see the good.

These two munchkins mainly

Oh my goodness how I love them!!!

A. Xx